Beastward's kind of a ball of emo right now sorry :/ I will hug him hard.
Once I was outside, my legs carried me faster and faster over the drifting snow towards the trees. They were safe. I could hide there. At least for a little while.
I kept rubbing my finger against one of the thorns, just light scraping it against my skin enough to give me something to focus on. By the time I made it to the meadow, I was mumbling to myself and shaking a bit from the cold.
This was the fucking reason I didn’t let anyone in. I didn’t want to experience the disappointment. For the first time I was terrified of disappointing someone else, instead of being disappointed when they cowered away. I didn’t want to let her down. She meant everything to me and I started to doubt if I could be enough for her. She doesn’t think I can love her. Hell, maybe she’s right. I can’t blame her for looking at me and seeing something dark and unnatural. Love is light and beautiful, the complete opposite of everything I am. I am the darkness, polluting the atmosphere like some kind of poison. I thought maybe I could move past it, but her doubt shattered everything.
